Day Fourteen- House Rules

Managing our homes and families has never been, and will never be, easy. Just trying to keep the house is a challenge when we have our children running right behind us messing up what we just cleaned. Right? But, there are strategies that we can employ to save our sanity and make some dents in the housework and still have a life! Lets face it, there is more to life than a clean house, but we sure feel better when it is. So, Hannah Keeley gives us seven rules for staying on top of it while still having time for your health and your family. 

#1 is Structure. Schedule for yourself a set time every day to work on the housework. Whether that be a "block" of time for 20 to 60 minutes, or cleaning a little bit every day, make sure its on a schedule. Keeping it at the same time every day will make it a habit, and make it easier to get it done. Something I like to do is have an hour block, and then set a timer for ten minutes in each room. You'd be surprised how much you can get done in ten minutes!

#2 is Clean When it is Dirty. A lot of moms I know get all stressed out over how often the windows are cleaned, how often the sheets get changed, or the walls get scrubbed. Relax!! Yes, there is a time when those things and many more need done, but trying to get it done once a day, week, or even month and those are the things that will drive you insane!! So, how do we handle it? Schedule, clean, and then rate how long it takes to get dirty. Then clean it. And you'll have a better idea of when to schedule it the next time around. Also, pay attention to your families habits. Obviously if you have toddlers or small children at home, your vacuuming needs are greater than a mom's who's kids are in school all day. If it's not dusty, don't dust it. If it's not dirty, don't clean it. And if it is, make the job a slave to your schedule, instead of becoming a slave to the job!

#3 is Hide the Evidence. This one is easy. Bins, baskets, drawers, cabinets. These are the tools of a successful mother! Nothing is easier than throwing the stuff that clutters your home into a bin or drawer. Label everything so you can find it later, and be sure that when the time comes to clean that zone, that you clean out the baskets and cabinets as well. Remember that clean is 10% perspiration and 90% perception!

#4 is the Art of Camouflage. When decorating your home, be sure to choose colors and fabrics that wear and wash well. Scotchgard is your friend! Avoid white! Make sure the colors and fabrics that don't wash well at least hide the dirt well!! And keep the bottom half of your walls painted with washable paint or darker colors to keep the scrubbing down to a minimum.

#5 is to Set an Ultimatum. I have a confession to make. Pretty much the only time my house gets 100% cleaned is when I am having a party. So, if the risk of having other people see your house a mess is a motivation for you to clean it, plan a party! Host a girl's night, or book club meeting. Have a special family dinner. Whatever will motivate you! The holidays are right around the corner!

#6 Foster Habits of Completion. Get into habits of cleaning up after yourself. When you unwrap something, throw away the trash right then. When you come into the house, hangup your jackets and coats. When kids walk into the door from school, make sure their backpacks, lunchboxes, homework, etc. gets put away in the proper places. Cleaning up the mess as you make it gets it done a lot quicker, and it never has a chance to make an appearance on the to-do list! Teaching this concept to your kids also makes housework a lot easier!

#7 and most importantly Enlist the Troops. At times we as moms figure that if we want it done right we have to do it ourselves. This however is not only a great injustice to ourselves, but also to our family members. How are our children going to learn how to be responsible citizens if they can't even keep a clean room? How will our husbands know how much to appreciate us if he doesn't have to pitch in once in a while?  ;) Also, teaching all our kids basic home repair, car repair, cooking and sewing will help them, as well as us to be more self reliant. But in order to get them to do the work, they, like us, need some kind of incentive. The first incentive, of course, being to praise, praise, praise our kids!!! I was at a friend's house the other day visiting her and her new baby. Pretty soon the  grandmother comes in to inform us that her four year old son is outside cleaning up the dog poop. Did he get praise when he came in? You better believe it!! But, occasionally they need a little more than just a pat on the back. So, we need to set our expectations and  work with them to determine a reward system. You can't be complaining that all they do is watch t.v. when you haven't set forth the expectations! So come up with a system that is within their ability to achieve, while rewarding them with time with their friends, t.v. time, or even their allowance. The real world doesn't give us what we need just because we exist! Teach them this principle through example and hard work.

Our homework, and I mean OUR homework, is to come up with a chore chart for yourself. Think of all that absolutely has to be done in any given week. Take off what can reasonably be done by your children. Then take what is left and divide it among the days of the week. Don't be afraid to have days off, or to treat yourself with a "pajama" day! Plan what time of the day will work best for you as your standard "chore time" and wa-la! A workable chore chart! For a terrific idea on a kids chore chart that was referred to me by my homeschooler friend, that has completely transformed the way my kids do chores see the links below. Hannah also has some terrific ideas at her website for both you and your kids! So feel free to go there as well! Good luck and guess what! We are half way there!! Congratulations, you are now a Secure Mom! I hope that you are feeling much more confident in your momabilities and most importantly in you as a person! I know that even though I am not perfect in a single one of these days (-yet!) that I feel 100% more capable, more strong, and more confident than when I started this journey. Let me know how you are doing, and if I can help in any way!

Day Thirteen-Get Rear in Gear

Create a better tomorrow by making the most of today.

I feel like I could just end there. That simple statement is powerful, isn't it? But sometimes we don't always know how to do that, or we do and just plain don't feel like it. So, here are some tips to getting a great start on your day and get your rear in gear!!


Getting up early seems like the obvious first choice for getting a jump on the day. Getting up before the kids do allows some time to yourself. You can go on a nice walk, get a jump on the housework, or just enjoy a quiet moment before the chaos begins! Sometimes, as full time moms whole days can go by without any time to ourselves. This would be one way to get some me-time. BUT, and this is a big but, know yourself!! I am NOT a morning person!! Every time I make a goal like this (and I have tried this a LOT), I get up early, get a ton done, and then I am exhausted by about 2:30 and I end up taking a nap, and ignore the kids the rest of the evening. So, for me it works to get up at the same time as the kids, and then take my time after they go to bed. And strangely I am not tired once they are in bed. I get to be me! And that is exciting.

If you can make the early morning work for you here are some tips to make it a little easier. First, reward yourself! Buy something special for yourself that will help motivate yourself. A new workout outfit, A special breakfast cereal, or snack, heck, treat yourself to chocolate! Whatever will motivate you to get out of bed.

There are a lot of benefits to getting up early. It not only awakens your body, but it awakens and sharpens your mind. It gives you time to organize the rest of your day and maybe do some breathing exercises before facing the inevitable messes of breakfast, finding backpacks, shoes, and/ or homework. It will help you to have the patience to deal with all of this patiently so that your kids are going to school with a smile and hug from mom instead of "You're going to be late!! Get a move on!" the kids that are staying home will behave better when you are in a good mood, and the whole day will go a lot smoother. Exercising during this time not only helps you get in shape, but energizes you, so again you can keep up with those kids!! It also improves your immune system so that you stay healthy, specially with flu season coming up.

When starting an exercise program, think about the frequency you want to do it. A good starting point is three days a week. once this becomes a habit, increase the frequency a little at a time until you are where you want to be, whether that's five or even seven days. Be aware of the intensity of your workouts. You don't have to sweat bullets, or pull a muscle to have a good workout. The only thing that has to be done is that your heart rate gets elevated, and that you can still talk easily during the workout. Walking is ideal for this because you can gradually increase the intensity, and even carry hand weights. Lastly, how much time can you spend? When just starting out, about twenty minutes is ideal. Then increase it gradually as you fitness level and enjoyment increase. In speaking of exercise, choose something that pushes you a little, that you can build on, and is FUN! I am a yoga freak, but haven't been able to find any classes that I can afford at the times I am available to do them. So I looked on Netflix. I found a whole series of different exercise videos from yoga to pilates, and cardio to weight training. The best part about them is that they are all broken down into 10 minute segments!! So I can choose today lets do ten minutes of abs and ten minutes of yoga for flexibility. I get a great workout in just 20 minutes, and I can do it in my jammies!

The hardest part, however, is staying motivated. In fact, it is impossible. The only way that any change sticks, is by little bits and keeping the end goal in mind. In a word, determination! Determination comes into play when every obstacle in the world stands in your way and you are so focused on your goals that you grit your teeth, close your eyes, and do what needs to be done. Motivation is feeling compelled to do what you should. Determination is doing it even when your not motivated.

Day Twelve- Mommy 911

Something that I constantly struggle with is maintaining order in my home. Our kids can change from angels to demons in the blink of an eye. That alone is enough to make even the most patient of moms go ballistic! Not to mention all the fighting over chores and homework.  So, today we are going to discuss some ways to keep your cool and create some structure to keep you sane! Some of this will be a repeat from earlier posts, but who can't benefit from hearing information again? Let's discuss some DO's and DON'Ts of dealing with our kids in healthy ways.

DO Listen! Sometimes we want things done, we want them done now, and we want them done our way! Come hell or high water. We forget that, not only are they individuals, they are also needing to learn. The best way for them to learn is to let them make mistakes. Also, if we take the time and attention necessary to truly listen to our kids, we gain a better understanding of who they are and therefore a better understanding of how best to handle misbehavior. Because we are adults we have the tendency to think we have all the answers. Believe me, we don't! So don't be afraid to ask your children about their feelings, their opinions, and what makes them tick. What works for one child can be disastrous for another. A great book out there is called "The Five Love Languages of Children". In it Gary Chapman gives information on each love language. He makes it very simple to decipher what speaks most to your child, and how to best show your child how much you love him/her. A child with her love cup full, is a better behaved child. He/She is also an easier to deal with child, since you know how best to communicate with them!

DON'T Threaten! Threats do nothing but tell your child that they have the control. They have made the grownup lose it. It also really limits your options. Follow through with the threat, or look like a fool who never means it when you say it. And I don't know about you, but I have made several threats that there is no way I would ever follow through on. What about threatening to leave them in a public place cause they don't want to leave? We all do this one. And we all know we would never leave said location without our child. Once threats come out of our mouths, we give our children all the cards. We give them all of the control. Another way to give them our control is to start counting. I have modified this to counting down. As in, 3, 2, 1. They get a time-out if the behavior doesn't stop, but they have learned that the behavior is okay, up to that point. When what they need to learn is that the behavior is unacceptable. Period.

DO Allow Consequences! We are doing our children a grave disservice if we try to shield them from the perils of life. Let them fight until it becomes a threat to their safety. This teaches them how to deal with others who have different opinions than theirs. If they have a problem picking up their toys, they get lost, broken, or taken away. If they like to make excuses for stalling eating their dinner, set a time limit. Do you think the cafeteria at school lets them sit there all day waiting for them to eat their lunch? We need these lessons! Life throws us all kinds of crap on a daily basis and it would be a catastrophe for them to not know how to face and cope with these things. They need to develop an internal navigation system to make their way through life.

DON'T Label! Be very careful of this. It is very easy to slip and say the child is bad, instead of the behavior. Yesterday my daughter was arguing about some chores she needed to do. It turned into a total screaming match between her and my husband. My husband and I have an agreement that when one of us is losing it, the other steps in. So I called Anna to my side, took her in my arms and waited for her to get her breathe back. Then I calmly explained why we work as a family to get things done. I told her that when she was done she would have more time free to play later. She understood and went and did the chore in question. If I had said something like "You always do this. Why must you always be such a brat! Just do what your told!" How does she feel then? She's not thinking, "Wow, my mom sure loves me! I should change my behavior!" Not a chance! She's fearful, she's withdrawn, and she's not motivated to do the chore. She'll do it, but she'll do just enough to avoid the wrath and then be whiny the rest of the day. Always assume the best in your kids! And when the slip-ups happen, label the behavior not the child.

DO Be an Adult! Just because our children act like brats, doesn't mean we have to! When you feel the blood start to boil, remove yourself from the situation for a minute. Gently put the child in a safe place letting them know you will be back to talk to them. Once you have calmed down and figured out the best way to deal with the problem, then go talk to the child. And guess what? The child will have calmed down too, and a precious teaching moment can occur. Instead of reacting, ACT!

DON'T Push Their Limits! This one is hard to know where the line is. We all have our limits to what we can do, and we have to recognize that in our children. They are people too! Not little machines put on this earth to do our bidding. Our children get tired, stressed, overwhelmed, and fearful, just like we do. So in listening to our children from above, we need to also recognize their limits. My son started all day kindergarten this year. His little body is having a hard time adjusting to this new schedule and comes home excited to share his day, but try to give him a task such as homework, or chores, and he completely melts down. He needs a little down time and a chance to be him before being able to take on more responsibility. So, while I want him to get homework done while we were still thinking about it, my expectations have to come second to his ability to comply to them. Communicate, assist, and try to understand. Learn to see the world through their eyes! It is a great view!

Assignment: With your child, list some of the areas that seem to be reoccurring the most often. And then work together to come up with solutions and positive reinforcements that will work for both of you. Then, come up with a way to keep track of progress made. Charts, stickers, tokens, lists, whatever works for you and excites your child. Working together not only fosters good communication, it also lets your child know that they have some control over what is going on in their lives. But most importantly, it lets them know you love them!