Okay ladies. Time to take a good hard look at ourselves and what we really want and how we are going to achieve it. Visualize it. See it. Feel it. C'mon. Get a good solid view of it. Now I guarantee that at least some of your vision is going to require money. Whether it be a bigger house, or some redecorating, or just something simple, like a new wardrobe that makes you feel stylish and sexy and a gym membership, it is going to require money.
Some of you might be thinking, "Oh, I let my husband handle all of that." Okay, maybe he does handle paying the bills, but who does the grocery shopping? Who makes sure that the kids have clothes on their backs? Who has that soft spot and just can't resist getting them a treat while you are running errands? Or the pile of presents at Christmastime, no matter the cost? We do!! In essence, we control the family's finances. So what are we doing with them? Do we continually find that there is more month at the end of the money? Why?
Honestly, for me it required really studying how I spent money. For two weeks I want you to keep EVERY single receipt, EVERY TIME you make even the smallest purchase. Even if its just a soda, or a cup of coffee! At the end of two weeks, add up all that you spent on things that were not absolute essentials. Fast food, donuts, late fees, a small treat while you shop for necessities. These things add up! My husband buys at least one large soda every day. So for the month we pay $30+ on my husband's caffeine fix. And then we sometimes struggle to find enough for my son's asthma medication of the same price. But those little habits are hard to break.
What we need to do is take 30 seconds to ask ourselves three simple questions.
#1, Do I need this? This is very easy to confuse with wants. Our needs are items that are necessary for our health, our home, and other areas that we cannot thrive without. If it doesn't fall into one of these categories, it is not a need.
#2, Can I make it or use something I already have? Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without is my motto. Cut off the old sweatpants to use at the gym. Make a pizza at home, rather than buying one. Paint an old picture frame instead of buying a new one. Get creative with the resources you already have!
#3, Will this purchase help me reach my vision? Remember what we are working towards and take small steps toward reaching those goals. If you are redecorating, that gallon of paint is a justifiable purchase. If you are working on a new wardrobe and find a cute jacket on sale, absolutely go ahead and get it. But if you are working toward a new house, putting that toy back on the shelf will be a lot easier with the big picture in mind. If you want a big family vacation, then it is easier to pass on that pack of gum or candy bar at the checkout stand. Keeping the vision in mind in all that you do and buy will help you reach those goals so much faster! Plus, the less we buy, the less clutter we have to deal with later and the less impact we have on the environment (if you care about that sort of thing.) Not to mention the example that is to our kids! Doing without for now to have a brighter future is an excellent tool that the children of this generation desperately need!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Day Ten- Acting on your Fears
Hey everyone! Sorry about last week, if you were looking for the new posts. Our computer just up and died. And then I got a cold that really kicked my butt, and I was down for 4 days! So here I am at the library, on a way different keyboard, so bear with me! There may be a lot of typos today!!
Today's topic is overcoming our fears. I have not yet read this chapter, so, once again, I will be learning right along with you! Up until now, we have been learning about meeting our needs for today. But what about tomorrow? Tomorrow can be scary and overwhelming since a lot of the time we have trouble just getting through today! So I will quote another of my favorite quotes from Gillian on "The Biggest Loser, Season 9". She had a contestant who kept wanting to give up. So while Gill was talking to her, she discovered why. She had become accustomed to just getting through life. So Gillian in her wisdom said, "Surviving is not thriving." We were not put on this earth to simply survive. We were put here to thrive! To learn, to grow, to progress! To become the best us we can be! (did that make sense?)
Our fears become even larger once we become mothers. We fear our kids their safety. We fear for their health. We fear for their happiness. We fear for their futures. All of this can be very, very scary. Suddenly we are responsible for these others lives, and maybe we are afraid that we are not up to the task. Step number one is to name your fears. By speaking them out loud we are actually giving them less power instead of more. A lot of times, once spoken, we realize how silly our fears really are. If your thoughts are allowed to rule, our fears are allowed to grow ever stronger. My therapist always says that inside our own heads is the scariest and most dangerous place to be. Our thoughts become our reality. And what is worse, it becomes our child's reality as well. If we are afraid of letting our child cross the street, our words and our actions portray that fear to them, causing them to be afraid of it too. Instead of thinking rationally and acting intelligently, therefore, he gets panicked and runs.
Next, do some research. If you load your mind with facts instead of thoughts, those fears become easier to handle. When I first started therapy, my therapist told me I was a crisis junkie. I would jump from crisis to crisis and never take the time to wonder why all of this was happening. I would jump from getting the kids to school on time to world politics in the blink of an eye. He was able to teach me the age old concept that "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." (Doctrine and Covenants 38:30) Preparation is the key. If getting kids to school is a stress, prepare the night before with picking out clothes, checking homework and preparing lunches. If world events are scary to you, start a food storage and savings account for your family. Take steps necessary to insure your own families safety and the events of the world are not so scary anymore.
Fear is actually a god-given primary emotion. It can drive us and motivate us to do good things. To think things through before acting. But also remember to keep it in check. A fear of failure is good, but accepting that everyone fails sometimes and acting in spite of that fear is true courage. Michael Jordan didn't make his Junior Varsity team in High school. He failed. But he used that to drive him to become the best NBA player in the history of the game! "We miss 100% of the shots we don't take." -Wayne Gretsky.
The "what ifs" of life can also get out of control. We need to learn to think in terms of "so what if it does?" We will accept it and get through it and learn from it. That's what. Research some of those fears. Prepare for them. And what we can't learn, embrace! I have a paralyzing fear of my husband dying. He was a soldier and now is not in the best of health. His family history shows that most of his family have not lived much past the age of 60. So what do I do when this fear embraces me? I start to visualize it. How will I react when I find out? How will we cope? What about finances? And the most amazing thing starts to happen. I realize that the shock of hearing the news will not kill me. I start to see all of my friends and family lending me the support I need. I know that we have a good life insurance policy that will provide for us. The fear starts to dissipate.
So write down your fears in your journal, allowing plenty of room in between to take notes on a plan of attack for that fear. And then take action! Look over those fears and try to calculate how much time and energy has been wasted on worrying about them. If they are really overwhelming, Call upon your Father in Heaven for help and guidance in overcoming them. I know you can do it! You have just taken the first step towards becoming a secure mom. Congratulations!
Today's topic is overcoming our fears. I have not yet read this chapter, so, once again, I will be learning right along with you! Up until now, we have been learning about meeting our needs for today. But what about tomorrow? Tomorrow can be scary and overwhelming since a lot of the time we have trouble just getting through today! So I will quote another of my favorite quotes from Gillian on "The Biggest Loser, Season 9". She had a contestant who kept wanting to give up. So while Gill was talking to her, she discovered why. She had become accustomed to just getting through life. So Gillian in her wisdom said, "Surviving is not thriving." We were not put on this earth to simply survive. We were put here to thrive! To learn, to grow, to progress! To become the best us we can be! (did that make sense?)
Our fears become even larger once we become mothers. We fear our kids their safety. We fear for their health. We fear for their happiness. We fear for their futures. All of this can be very, very scary. Suddenly we are responsible for these others lives, and maybe we are afraid that we are not up to the task. Step number one is to name your fears. By speaking them out loud we are actually giving them less power instead of more. A lot of times, once spoken, we realize how silly our fears really are. If your thoughts are allowed to rule, our fears are allowed to grow ever stronger. My therapist always says that inside our own heads is the scariest and most dangerous place to be. Our thoughts become our reality. And what is worse, it becomes our child's reality as well. If we are afraid of letting our child cross the street, our words and our actions portray that fear to them, causing them to be afraid of it too. Instead of thinking rationally and acting intelligently, therefore, he gets panicked and runs.
Next, do some research. If you load your mind with facts instead of thoughts, those fears become easier to handle. When I first started therapy, my therapist told me I was a crisis junkie. I would jump from crisis to crisis and never take the time to wonder why all of this was happening. I would jump from getting the kids to school on time to world politics in the blink of an eye. He was able to teach me the age old concept that "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." (Doctrine and Covenants 38:30) Preparation is the key. If getting kids to school is a stress, prepare the night before with picking out clothes, checking homework and preparing lunches. If world events are scary to you, start a food storage and savings account for your family. Take steps necessary to insure your own families safety and the events of the world are not so scary anymore.
Fear is actually a god-given primary emotion. It can drive us and motivate us to do good things. To think things through before acting. But also remember to keep it in check. A fear of failure is good, but accepting that everyone fails sometimes and acting in spite of that fear is true courage. Michael Jordan didn't make his Junior Varsity team in High school. He failed. But he used that to drive him to become the best NBA player in the history of the game! "We miss 100% of the shots we don't take." -Wayne Gretsky.
The "what ifs" of life can also get out of control. We need to learn to think in terms of "so what if it does?" We will accept it and get through it and learn from it. That's what. Research some of those fears. Prepare for them. And what we can't learn, embrace! I have a paralyzing fear of my husband dying. He was a soldier and now is not in the best of health. His family history shows that most of his family have not lived much past the age of 60. So what do I do when this fear embraces me? I start to visualize it. How will I react when I find out? How will we cope? What about finances? And the most amazing thing starts to happen. I realize that the shock of hearing the news will not kill me. I start to see all of my friends and family lending me the support I need. I know that we have a good life insurance policy that will provide for us. The fear starts to dissipate.
So write down your fears in your journal, allowing plenty of room in between to take notes on a plan of attack for that fear. And then take action! Look over those fears and try to calculate how much time and energy has been wasted on worrying about them. If they are really overwhelming, Call upon your Father in Heaven for help and guidance in overcoming them. I know you can do it! You have just taken the first step towards becoming a secure mom. Congratulations!
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